Mario and the Unlikely Race for Power

The first time I went to the White House was in 1952.

I was ten years old, and my uncle Mike took me to see Dwight Eisenhower’s inauguration. It was a cold day, and we were standing so close to the podium that when they turned on the heaters, my hair started smoking. The heat made me feel like I was going to throw up, so I wandered into the bathroom. Standing at the urinal, I noticed that all of the other men in the room had their hats and scarves on, but I didn’t have one because my mom hadn’t been able to afford any winter clothes for me. So when I came out of the bathroom and saw that everyone had left the stands, I thought it was because they didn’t want me there without a hat or scarf.

I followed them outside and walked around for an hour trying to find my way back inside. When I finally got there, I saw that everyone else was watching Lyndon Johnson take his oath of office as president.

When LBJ finished speaking, he waved at us from his limo just like Eisenhower had done. So did Hubert Humphrey, who had just taken his place as Vice President. Then Johnson got in his car and drove off with Mrs. Johnson sitting next to him. Everyone else got in their cars too and drove away. My uncle Mike tried to find me, but couldn’t because all of the cars looked alike that day, even after Johnson had wrecked his own Buick by hitting a tree in Dallas two months later. After he died and Bobby Kennedy took his place as President, they changed all of their cars because they didn’t want them to look like the ones that carried Johnson and Kennedy when they were shot. So now when you see one of their cars on TV you can tell it’s theirs right away. But back then you couldn’t tell.

I never found out how long it took anyone else to notice that I wasn’t with them anymore, but it must have been at least five hours because that night when Mom came home from work she started yelling at Uncle Mike for letting me walk around by myself in Washington Dc in February without a hat or scarf or a coat or anything and not telling her where we had gone even though she asked him over and over again until finally he admitted that he had lost track of me somewhere between the Lincoln Memorial and Union Station where we had gone to buy our tickets for Eisenhower’s Inauguration Ceremony earlier that day which could have happened anywhere along a six mile stretch of road between those two places which are both pretty big cities themselves so Uncle Mike said he started driving up and down each street looking for me because he figured if anyone would know how to find their way around in Washington DC it would be me although he only told Mom this much later after she smacked him across the face with her purse while screaming “How could you let something like this happen?” over and over again which is why my jaw still hurts like hell today after all these years whenever somebody bumps into me unexpectedly or grabs my cheeks between their thumb and forefinger so hard that they leave little blisters behind which is what happens whenever Aunt Maggie comes over to visit us almost every weekend from her place outside Chicago where she lives with Uncle Howard who works for Boeing which is where Dad used to work before he retired twelve years ago which is why Aunt Maggie always brings me new toys whenever she visits which is why I love her more than anyone else except Mom who doesn't love anybody else except for Dad who died back in 2003 from cancer which is why Aunt Maggie drives over here every weekend from Chicago except for last weekend when Aunt Maggie called Uncle Howard from her place outside Chicago where she lives with him now instead of driving over here from Washington DC where she used to live before moving across town with Uncle Bob who lives alone now since Uncle Mike moved back home to Los Angeles last fall so he can be near his wife who has Alzheimer's which is why Aunt Maggie told us during dinner that night last Saturday night before going outside in her garden behind her house on Sunday afternoon just before Hurricane Irma hit Chicago last Sunday afternoon where she lives with Uncle Howard now instead of coming over here twice a week like she usually does every Tuesday and Friday after work except for last Monday morning when Hurricane Irma hit Los Angeles instead of Chicago but not hard enough so that people had time enough to drive out of town before getting trapped by the floodwater rising up everywhere inside their houses just like what happened back in 1953 when Hurricane Hazel hit here causing millions of dollars worth of damage throughout the entire state including Hoboken New Jersey where I lived until 1955 before moving back here during Christmas break so I could go skiing with my friends at Snow Valley Ski Resort which is why we went driving up into Big Bear Lake above San Bernardino California yesterday afternoon during lunch break at work today before school starts tomorrow morning because one of my friends wants me to meet his girlfriend's parents after school tomorrow afternoon so they can ask him if it's okay if they get married someday soon even though they're already engaged already like three weeks ago while they're still seventeen years old plus four months apart from each other except for him being born on one month closer to January 1st than her birthday on December 30th which means neither one of them will be eighteen years old yet until May 8th next year unless something bad happens along the way which is why nobody should ever try doing anything important nowadays because everything always turns out exactly opposite from what you thought it would be especially if you think it's gonna turn out better than it really does especially if you think it's gonna turn out bad enough so everybody will forget about anything good you've done in your life before then but instead ends up turning out worse than anybody thought possible except maybe 9/11 during 2001 or so whenever all those planes crashed into all those buildings including the Twin Towers which nobody expected even though everybody knew something bad was gonna happen sometime soon even though nobody knew exactly when or how only that something like this would probably happen sooner rather than later except probably not this bad ever again which is what makes 9/11 even worse than Hurricane Hazel or any other disaster since then including Hurricane Katrina during 2005 or so whenever Superstorm Sandy nearly wiped New Orleans off the face of the earth before wiping Hoboken off too during 2012 or so whenever Hurricane Sandy swept through town just days after President Obama won reelection against Mitt Romney who wanted everyone stay poor forever no matter what even though Mitt Romney has nothing whatsoever to do with our current president Donald Trump whose name rhymes with orange plus icky plus gross plus dumb plus ugly plus nasty plus stupid plus bad plus sad plus angry plus mean plus dumb again only worse because unlike George W Bush who kept America safe every single day during 9/11 George W Bush didn't do anything about global warming which threatens our children's future unless somebody stops it soon starting today by putting solar panels everywhere you can put them including everywhere there isn't any sun left including inside your house if you have electricity running through your roof just like my aunt Carolyn showed us how two weeks ago with her husband Richard while visiting us here in Sacramento California last Sunday afternoon while she was still visiting us here yesterday morning instead of visiting us there yesterday afternoon when she might have seen Donald Trump live on TV hosting The Apprentice during Wednesday night prime time instead of staying home watching CNN Newsroom with Anderson Cooper instead which is why we didn't see Donald Trump live on TV hosting The Apprentice during Wednesday night prime time either even though Anderson Cooper talked about how awesome DJT was while calling Hillary Clinton things like "crooked" "nasty" "irritable" "grumpy" "unhinged" "mean" "selfish" "bitter" "vengeful" "bitchy" "unwomanly" "malicious" "warlike" "cruel" "heartless" "evil" "petty" etc etc etc ad nauseam ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum ad infinitum etc etc etc until we couldn't stand listening anymore especially after hearing about Republican voter suppression efforts appearing everywhere across America getting ready for Election Day tomorrow Thursday November 8th 2017 beginning at 6:00 AM sharp Pacific Time (PT) all throughout California wherever polling places are located inside voting stations located inside firehouses located inside police stations located inside post offices located inside union halls located inside grocery stores located inside mosques located inside churches located inside libraries located inside supermarkets located inside department stores located inside movie theaters located inside restaurants located inside parks & recreation centers located inside schools located inside shopping malls located inside gyms & health clubs located inside laundromats located inside retail stores located within every hospital campus across America beginning tomorrow Thursday November 8th 2017 beginning at 6:00 AM sharp Pacific Time (PT) except first thing tomorrow morning Friday November 9th 2017 once we wake up early enough always remember not too late then go vote against Donald Trump meaning never forget NovemVOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!